The little book of short stories...

Often the things that make life memorable and special are the things that are easily forgotten. I started to make a note of some of the really special moments in Israel so that I could add them to the blog, but none of the stories have felt significant enough to create a blog entry out of. I suppose that’s paradoxical since the whole point of a blog is to allow short little bits and bobs.

So, here are five short stories of our first 5 months.

The International Atomic Energy Agency.

I think everyone would agree that sometimes the brain hears what it thinks it ought to hear, and not what has actually been said. The perfect example of this is when learning a new language, and when new words are said. Wernicke’s area of the brain (the language centre – or least thought to be until recently) will try and identify a sound in its archive, and may conclude that a similar sounding word is actually the same word. So, for example, a young child may hear the word ‘baffle’, and think that the person is talking about an ‘apple’, or a ‘duffle’ coat. The same also applies to people with too much wax in their ears.

I’m not sure therefore, what my excuse is for mishearing ‘הסוכנות הבינלאומית לאנרגיה האטומית’ (The International Atomic Energy Agency – HaSochnut HaBinleumit L’energia haAtomit) incorrectly. The first word sounded familiar, but I could quite place it. When I announced to the class the phrase ‘הזונות הבינלאומית לאנרגיה האטומית’, or ‘The International Atomic Energy Whores’, both our teacher and the class seemed a little confused...

Dancing on the ruins

It doesn’t take a genius to know that Jerusalem is a site of unrivalled historic and archeological wonders. The problem is, in a capital city, and one where the population grows quickly, it’s virtually impossible to build without coming across something special. The perfect example of this came at a fabulous wedding we went to recently at the National Convention Centre. This big shiny new building, for governmental conventions, major concerts, and the occasional broadcasting of the Eurovision Song Contest, lies on such a site. A State so proud of its roots, whose very existence is largely justified by the undeniable evidence linking its people to the land for thousands of years, could never permit ancient sites to be destroyed, but similarly, cannot live in the past.

So, if ever you find yourself at a concert, function or conference at the National Convention Centre, go to the toilet. Seriously. To your left, you will find an entire brick factory, complete with the coins and machinery of the 17^th Roman Legion, who were busily working to manufacture sufficient weapons to invade Jerusalem (which was then small enough to be just over the next hill) approximately 2000 years ago.

Ship shape?

We made a painful decision when we got married. We decided that we would not open a single gift from our giftlist until we got to Israel. Partly for the excitement and suspense, and partly for the VAT relief on exporting new goods J. So, we arranged for all our belongings and all the gifts, to be combined and sent in one bumper shipment, all to arrive in Israel 4 weeks after we landed.

However, the best laid schemes of mice and men... as we eagerly opened our boxes, we found that the entirety of our gift list had disappeared; from plates, to towels, to kitchenware. We had the good fortune of receiving crucial things (like Deborah’s tool-box full of beads, and my emergency sock drawer), but nothing we could actually put any value on, or in fact be happy to see again (a large part of me was hoping for an iceberg in the Mediterranean to allow us to get rid of all Deborah’s... I mean OUR clutter, and start fresh).

Our shipping company were in no rush to help. The Israeli company called us up 24 hours after the arrival of the old stuff that we had shipped to see if we were happy with the service. We said ‘no, we’re still waiting for most of the stuff’ and so we didn’t hear from them again. In the UK, they didn’t bother to return my calls or emails until I sent them a rather direct threat pointing out that if they didn’t sort things out they would possibly never see another aliyah customer again. Suddenly, things sprang to life, and the entire shipment was found safe and sound on land in the UK, where the shippers had ‘forgotten to send it’.

All’s well that ends well though, and four months after our wedding, we finally got to see the lovely gifts, which had all arrived safely, despite the fact that the boxes themselves had literally been ripped apart and were held together with sellotape. We haven’t used many of them yet – that honour is being reserved for June 1^st, when we hope to move out of the immigrant centre, into a place of our own, and for the first time, begin to live like a normal married couple – with cutlery that isn’t plastic!

Biking in Jerusalem

It’s not quite the same lush green colour as Scotland and Wales, but come visit with a bike, and you’ll find some fantastic off-road fun here. A brand new bike resort has just opened on the slopes of Mount Hermon, and even just 45 min cycle from the centre of Jerusalem, there are rides past natural springs, where you can stop to have a swim to cool down. So, excuse the pun – on your bike!

The Hurva – the synagogue of the ruins

One of the most distinctive landmarks in Jerusalem for the past 33 years has been the arch, in the middle of the Jewish quarter of the old city. Known as the Hurva (Ruins) Synagogue, the arch stood on the site of what was once the main site of prayer in the old city (second, of course, to the Kotel, or the Western Wall of the Holy Temple, destroyed by the Romans and now the foundations of the Muslim Dome of the Rock.) The synagogue was first build 800 years ago, destroyed in wars and riots, rebuilt, and most recently destroyed by the Jordanian forces in 1948, when they invaded the Jewish quarter, massacred the people living there, and then built a mosque adjacent to the re-ruined Synagogue. In 1967, when the Old City was recaptured by Israel, finally the Western Wall, the site of the Temple, and the whole Jewish quarter were finally accessible to Jews again. As they entered the Old City, the soldiers of the Israeli army discovered that the Western Wall had been converted into a public toilet by the Arabs.

Within a decade, the arch of the magnificent Hurva synagogue was re-erected, to give a hint of the enormity and splendour of the building. In-keeping with the Israeli declaration of independence, granting rights to all religions, beliefs, genders and ethnicities, the mosque build in the Jewish quarter was left untouched and undamaged.

In 2010, we were proudly Jerusalem residents when finally the Hurva synagogue was rebuilt, standing as an exact replica of its original form, in the centre of the Jewish quarter, where it had stood for centuries before.

But nothing is simple. This building, although only 5 or so storeys high, lies on higher ground than the Temple Mount, and therefore, is taller than the Dome of the Rock. According to the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem (the Muslim Leader, whose equivalent in 1940 sat with Hitler to discuss the most appropriate ways to destroy the Jews), it is forbidden to allow any other faith to have a building taller than a Minaret. Hence began another stage of riots, lock downs, and massive police presence in the Holy City, until eventually the trouble makers got bored.

Today is the 43^rd anniversary of the reunification of Jerusalem, where just 48 hours after the start of the war, Jerusalem was unified, with all its citizens allowed to move freely, to practice their faiths, and to live in safety, without the racism of Jordanian rule. 43 years since the Jews’ capital was restored, 2000 years after it was destroyed.

Friends - the one where the couple gets sidelined.

It's surprising how difficult it is living as a couple in the absorption centre. We're in a weird limbo, living with singles in ulpan, who view us as the mature wise old farts. They come to us with their problems; they trust us and like us. But when it comes to a night out, or even a movie night in, they won't think to invite us because clearly a married couple wouldn't want to go to a bar, or squash onto a bed with 6 horny guys and girls who are getting turned on because they all fancy each other. It's a little hurtful when we pop over to a friends’ room and find that a group of people are chilling and no one has thought to knock on our door; but it is certainly not personal (we assume); just the way they perceive marriage.

Marriage also makes going away really difficult – gone are the days of crashing on someone's floor or on a sofa – we have standards! So escaping the pressure of living in the world’s holiest city is not straightforward. Plans are hatching for buying a tent and going on wild camping expeditions, bike rides and other wholesome Enid Blyton entertainment.

The combination of the perception of our single friends, and the difficulties of socialising with people who after all do have a different perspective on life, means that it’s impossible to avoid the inevitable fact that couples clique just like singles do. The inevitable gravitation towards other couples is almost amusing, as we find ourselves arranging ‘dinner dates’, ‘movie nights’ and shabbatot with those other young couples also lost in the deep blue sea of the Jerusalem social scene. While other people are heading off to the city that never sleeps (Tel Aviv) Deborah and I continue our mission to find somewhere affordable in a nice quiet neighbourhood of Jerusalem, out of the centre but not too far from work.

The housing system here works very differently to the UK. Tenants seem to lose out at every step. For example, let through an agent, and you will find that your one month’s commission charge may not just apply when you move in, but every 12 months thereon in, and is paid for by the tenant. The tenant must provide guarantors, and it is the tenant’s responsibility to paint the apartment upon leaving. An unfurnished property can be completely devoid of any ‘unnecessary’ items – so you may move in to find that not only has the toilet seat gone, but also the light fittings. And despite this, the cost of rental in Jerusalem, where poverty is high and the average wage is about £3.50 (the same as a box of cereal!), is not far off that of London.

One golden rule for those of you who follow in our steps – before you take a property, speak Hebrew! The English-speaking property sites are invariably more expensive, and letting from an independent Israeli landlord in Hebrew, rather than an American agent living in a luxury area, will save you a substantial amount of money.

It’s just as well then, that it looks like finding work should be easy for both of us – it seems that jobs are plentiful for pretty much any healthcare professional. And as we speak, legislation is being proposed in the Knesset to increase Doctors’ wages in Israel. That means that Doctors will be better off by the year 2476.

Until then, let's just hope we can find a cheap place to rent!