Two police experiences over the past 12 months.
I like to consider myself a law-abiding citizen. I have, from time to time, be known to speed; once I think I reached 82mph on a motorway, before I realised and promptly reduced my speed to the much more legal 77mph (allowing the 10% margin for error on the police radar speed traps). As I routinely get overtaken by BMWs doing 120mph, and watch numerous women in 4x4s chatting on their iPhones while smoking and applying lipstick, while simultaneously breastfeeding their children, I feel this must put me at least above average when it comes to citizen obedience. And, to be honest, I kind of like being a good boy. It’s nice to think that you aren’t doing anything to risk the safety or convenience of those around you, and it’s even nicer to think that you can sneer at those people who ruin this world for the rest of us, by not adhering to the laws we are all meant to live by. How unfortunate then, that the Israeli police force have reduced me to a common criminal.
Israel seems to think that America is right. About everything. Ever. Need to increase efficiency in the educational system? Send a delegation to New York to look at how they deal with inner city school kids (because New York is known for its obedient school kids and calm atmosphere). Worried about the 2% increase in costs of maintaining the socialised health care system, one of the best in the world? Bring over some US health care consultants, who manage the most overpriced and inefficient health care system in the world. Need to make some stupid laws that have absolutely no relevance, logic, or application in real life? Take a US highway code and translate it into Hebrew.
Deborah and I were on our way to dinner. It was just after our Hebrew course exam, and we decided that we would celebrate. We got off our first bus, walked to the pedestrian crossing, and waited. Being so well planned, there is no button to press to declare that you are waiting. There are no sensors monitoring the flow of cars so that the lights will change when no cars are coming. But, the government have to spend our money on something, so they employ two pigs to sit in a car on a dark side-road, watching and waiting, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting victims. People like us, who lose patience while standing for minutes at a time, watching as no cars come or go in any direction. People who see their bus pull in and pull out of the bus stop, while they remain stood on the spot, all because the stupid arse of a little man is quite happy being red, and has no intention of turning green at any time soon. In fact, he won’t turn green until the traffic light turns red. And the traffic light, as we all know, will only turn red when he sees that a dozen cars are on the way, all waiting to get through.
So, we look, and we wait. We look again. No cars. Anywhere. We cross. And immediately are confronted by a particularly small girl, dressed all grown up in a police uniform, just like a real person, who gleefully gives us both jay walking tickets.
But that isn’t the worst of it. That’s just the beginning.
My parents came over to visit recently. We had a fantastic schedule all sorted out for their visit, the highlight of which was taking them up North to see the beautiful countryside, places we might want to move to after Jerusalem, and best of all, to take my dad to a vegetarian village in the middle of nowhere, with lots of cats. (Basically dad’s Garden of Eden).
Keen to spend more of our tax money on pointless endeavours, we were pulled over at midnight in the middle of the countryside by a particularly small girl, dressed all grown up in a police uniform, like a real person (sound familiar?), for a routine check. No problem, you smile, you give over your license, and half a minute later, you carry on your journey. Not this time.
I handed over my UK license, but made the mistake of speaking in good Hebrew. As a result, I received an interrogation about when I came to live in Israel – nine months earlier at this point. After disappearing off with my documents for a while, she returned, smile on face, and said, “Adam, you’re driving illegally. Step out of the car”.
According to the little brat, a foreign license can only be used for 6 months after moving to Israel. I told her that was incorrect, and in fact it is valid for 12 months. I quoted pretty much every aliyah organisation that gives information on these matters, and even checked some online at that point to show her – the Jewish Agency for Israel, the United Jewish Israel Appeal, Nefesh B’Nefesh, the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel, and numerous blogs and advice websites, all state that the license is valid for one year. She checked with her boss, however, and confirmed that in fact, all these organisations were giving out wrong information. I should print out and keep all the documentation from these websites, because I would need it 6 months later when I attended for my COURT SUMMONS.
When I explained this to mum and dad, I almost had to physically restrain my parents who were about to assault a very obnoxious little girl, but while I was doing so, at midnight, Deborah called our driving instructor. He was very helpful, and got out of bed to check the website of the Ministry of Transport....
We all breathed a collective sigh of relief when he confirmed that, clear as day, the Ministry of Transport website states that ‘New Immigrants may drive on a foreign passport for up to 12 months from entry into the country.’.
Time for an apology from the police woman, and to be sent on our way? No.
“I don’t care what the Ministry of Transport says. We are the police, and we go by police law, it's different”. Those words actually came out of her mouth.
So, to cut a long story short, we persuaded her not to impound the hire car that was registered in my dad’s name, and she changed my police appearance that she'd originally set for 48 hours time on the other side of the country, to the next morning, down the road. This gave me just enough time to print out information from the ministry of transport, and www.gov.il, stating that I was in fact driving legally, and that she was simply an idiot.
The bottom line, the next morning all was resolved, the court summons was cancelled (supposedly, although in fact they forgot to do this until I called a few weeks later to check), and she got woken up by the captain for a proper yelling. But, even then, the police failed to do their job – I was informed I must give in all the tickets and documentation to the station, thus removing any proof that the incident ever occurred, and hence stopping me making a complaint against them.
“I’d like to keep copies for reference, until I know that everything has been cancelled. Could I make photocopies?” I asked.
“No, the machine is broken.” Replied the commander.
“What about the fax machine that you just received my passport page on?”
“No, that doesn't copy. And anyway, isn’t my word good enough for you?”
No, Mr Policeman, your word means nothing.
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